My spouse is divorcing me
To bring a marriage to an end, you will need to get divorced.
If you are in a civil partnership rather than a marriage, this is called ‘dissolution’ rather than divorce. The government has a separate guide for you, but the process works the same way.
Overview of the divorce process
This is the process for a divorce in England or Wales. Scotland and Northern Ireland have different rules.
These days, it is not necessary to have a legal reason to get divorced. It doesn’t matter how either or you behaved or why the marriage broke down. Your ex can get a divorce just because they say that marriage has broken down and cannot be saved.
You and your ex can apply jointly for a divorce or one of you can apply solely.
It is almost impossible for you to stop the divorce.
It takes about six months.
You can hide your address from your ex.
You don’t need to go to court. It is all done online or through the post. Usually the court will manage the divorce online but you can use paper forms if you prefer.
The court tells you what to do as you go along, and when to do it.
The government’s ‘Get a divorce’ website is super helpful and clear.
Getting a divorce does not resolve financial matters. You will still need to reach an agreement about how you split money and property on divorce. Getting a divorce does not end your financial claims (although getting remarried can do so). You can read more about finances on divorce here.
Here is useful video by a solicitor from the law firm Mills & Reeve about the divorce process.
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Special situations
Some people might want to annul their marriage, especially if their religion is against divorce or if their wedding ceremony didn’t follow the rules properly. This is called nullity. Seek legal advice if you are in this position.
There is also something called judicial separation. This is different to just splitting up and is mainly used by people of strong religious faith who don’t believe in divorce. Seek legal advice if you are in this situation. Don’t apply for a judicial separation unless you are really clear what it means.
It is possible for both you and your spouse to make a joint application for divorce. Alternatively, either one of you could make a sole application. Legally, who applies for the divorce has no effect. It’s more about what is comfortable for you and your ex. If you have a religious faith, you may want to check with your Church or religious body to see if they have any views.
If one of you is on a low income it makes sense for that person to be the sole applicant, because they won’t have to pay the court fee, whereas if you are joint applicants you will have to pay the fee unless you are both on a low income.
If you start a joint divorce and one of you changes their mind, the other person can continue it as a sole application. This change is made when the person wanting to continue completes the application for a conditional order.
If your ex has applied as a sole applicant
If your ex is the applicant, you are the ‘respondent’.
The applicant has a number of things to do. Your role is legally easier.
They apply for a divorce. Whether they do this online or use a paper form, the court turns it into a different document and sends it to you by post and email.
When you receive the divorce application you need to respond to it. This means you complete form D10 or you complete the form online using the link the court emails you. The purpose of this is to confirm that you have received the divorce application and you agree the court has the power to issue a divorce.
You cannot stop a divorce because you want to stay married. You can only stop a divorce if the court has no power, such as if there is not enough of a link to this country, or the marriage was never valid, or you are already divorced in another country.
The applicant then waits 20 weeks from the date of issue of the application (which will be before you receive it) before they can do the next stage, which is to apply for a conditional order of divorce. At this stage, they fill in another form that says they still want a divorce and the info in their application is true.
The court will then let them know (after a few weeks’ delay) the date their conditional order will be made. When that day arrives, the court will send out the conditional order.
The applicant has to wait six weeks and one day from conditional order before they can apply for a final divorce order.
Sometimes people pause their divorce at conditional order stage until they reach an agreement about who has what assets on the divorce. This is a good idea if one of you has valuable pensions or if the person who wants the divorce is not willing to discuss the finances with the other party. This is because if a person dies between getting divorced and sorting out any finances on divorce, their ex would lose a widow or widower’s pension, death in service benefit, or life insurance benefits for a spouse. These can be valuable.
You can ask your ex for an undertaking (a legally binding promise) not to apply for final order until the finances are sorted out. If they don’t agree, you can ask the judge to pause the divorce until the finances are sorted out. Seek legal advice if you think this applies to you.
If the applicant for the divorce does not apply for a final order, then you can apply instead, but only do this after six weeks and one day from conditional order plus another three months. The court will hold a hearing and ask about why the applicant has not applied.
Special situations
If you are a Jewish wife, the law also allows you to block your ex from applying for a divorce until he provides you with a Get (religiously recognised divorce). This is because in Judaism a religious divorce is in the gift of the husband and without this a woman may be unable to remarry in Judaism and will be known as a ‘chained wife’. To block such a divorce, you will need to apply in form D11. You can find more advice here Get refusal and forced marriage - Jewish Women's Aid
Further help
All this can be confusing. Remember that this website just provides information and it cannot cover everything you might need to know, and it is not a replacement for legal advice.
For advice about your own situation, find a lawyer by looking at our page on Finding Legal Advice.
Developing this page
This site is a work in progress. If you have a request for something for us to write about to add to this page, email us at law.clinic@uea.ac.uk. However, remember that we cannot give legal advice about your situation so we will only deal with general requests to write more information on specific points.