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What is domestic abuse?
The Domestic Abuse Act 2021 says that domestic abuse is when one person engages in:
Physical or sexual abuse
Violent of threatening behaviour
Controlling or coercive behaviour
Economic abuse, which means behaviour that has a substantial adverse [negative] effect on your ability to acquire, use or maintain money or other property, or obtain goods or services.
Psychological, emotional, or other abuse
The behaviour has to be between people who are aged 16+ and are “personally connected” to one another. It's this connection that makes it domestic abuse rather than any other kind of abuse. It doesn’t matter whether the behaviour is one-off, or a course of conduct.
Most types of domestic abuse will also be criminal in some way, the crimes might have slightly different definitions.
Personally connected
To be domestic abuse, rather than another kind of abuse, the abuser and victim-survivor have to be “personally connected”. The law says this is when
They are or were married or civil partners
They are or were engaged to be married or have a civil partnership
They have been in an intimate personal relationship with one another
They are both parents of or have parental responsibility for the same child
They are relatives who are father, mother, stepfather, stepmother, son, daughter, stepson, stepdaughter, grandmother, grandfather, grandson or granddaughter of the victim-survivor or of that person’s spouse, former spouse, civil partner or former civil partner], or brother, sister, uncle, aunt, niece, nephew or first cousin (including half-blood and in-laws) of the victim-survivor or of that person’s spouse, former spouse, civil partner or former civil partner.
Any person in the list above who is a relative of someone you cohabit with. Cohabitation means living together as though you were husband and wife, not just flatmates.
This list just defines when abuse is domestic. If you want to apply for a non-molestation order or an occupation order, you need to fit into slightly different categories.
Tracy from Pandora Project explains what DA can look like
Understanding the Duluth Power and Control Wheel
Recognising Domestic Abuse Beyond Physical Violence
Many people think domestic abuse only involves physical violence. In reality, abuse is often about power, control, fear, and manipulation. Someone may never hit their partner but still cause serious emotional, psychological, financial, or sexual harm.
The Duluth Power and Control Wheel was developed to help explain the different ways abusive behaviour can be used to gain and maintain control over another person.
Understanding the wheel can help people:
Recognise abusive behaviours
Understand patterns in their relationship
Identify coercive control
Reduce self-blame and confusion
Seek support and safety
At the centre of the wheel is the core issue Power and Control
Abusive behaviours are often not isolated incidents. They are patterns used to dominate, frighten, isolate, or control another person.
The Different Sections of the Wheel
Abuse Often Happens in Patterns
Domestic abuse is rarely “just one incident.” Many survivors describe:
Tension building
An abusive incident
Apologies, promises, or affection afterwards
A period of calm before the cycle repeats
This pattern can make relationships confusing and difficult to leave.
Ask Yourself
You do not need to experience every behaviour on the wheel to be experiencing domestic abuse.
You may identify with abuse if:
You feel afraid of your partner’s reactions
You change your behaviour to avoid conflict
You feel controlled or monitored
You feel isolated from support
Your confidence has reduced significantly
You are blamed for their behaviour
You no longer feel like yourself
If you are questioning whether something is abuse, it is important to trust your feelings.
It Is Not Your Fault
People who use abuse make choices about their behaviour. No one deserves to be controlled, frightened, humiliated, or harmed.
Domestic abuse can happen to anyone, regardless of:
Age, Gender, Sexuality, Ethnicity, Religion, Disability, Income, Education
Support Is Available
If you have any concerns about your relationship, please reach out for help. You do not have to be in crisis to seek support.
Speaking to a specialist domestic abuse service can help you to understand what is happening. You can access emotional and practical support and explore your options safely.
You deserve to feel safe, respected, and in control of your own life.