Offended? Not me. How people use denial to appear rational on social media
By: Communications
People often downplay being offended during online arguments to appear more rational, according to new research from the University of East Anglia (UEA).
A new study reveals how social media users navigate, negotiate and often reject accusations of being offended during heated online exchanges, even when their language suggests strong emotional involvement.
Recent debates illustrate the pattern. For example, when YouTuber and professional boxer Jake Paul criticised singer Bad Bunny’s Super Bowl halftime show, he faced backlash and repeatedly reframed his comments as ‘clarifications’ rather than emotional reactions.
Similarly, heated reactions around singer-songwriter Billie Eilish’s Grammys comments saw users choose wording such as “I’m not offended”, presenting themselves as rational while clearly deeply invested in the discussion.
These high‑profile moments reflect the same patterns of denial, moral positioning, and emotional management uncovered in the UEA study.
The team, which included researchers from the University of Kent, analysed a network of real X (Twitter) exchanges that began with a woman telling a joke and quickly spiralled into a heated argument.
One male participant was repeatedly accused of being “offended” but strongly denied it, even as his own language revealed frustration and moral judgement.
Dr Chi‑Hé Elder, from UEA’s School of Media, Language and Communication Studies, said: “Without the benefit of facial expressions or tone of voice to draw on, interactions in the digital world can quickly become complicated.
“People may claim that they aren’t offended, but if they simultaneously describe comments as toxic or morally wrong, this looks very much like offence‑taking behaviour.”
The study shows that offence isn’t just an emotional reaction, it also performs a social function. It can be used to signal disapproval, make a moral point, or shape how we want to be seen by others.
That makes everyday phrases like “being offended” ambiguous – they can refer to feeling upset, or to the public performance of appearing offended.
But why do people deny being offended?
According to the researchers, admitting to offence carries negative connotations. It can make someone appear overly emotional or undermine their credibility in a debate. By rejecting the label, people can try to take the moral high ground, presenting themselves as calm and rational even when their behaviour suggests otherwise.
Dr Elder said: “It is the ambiguity of phrases like ‘you’re offended’ that gives people room to deny being offended, even when their behaviour indicates the opposite.”
Ultimately, the team argues that offence is negotiated rather than clear‑cut and that denying it has become a strategic tool for protecting one’s reputation in online arguments.
The findings raise wider questions about how we judge emotion and rationality in digital spaces, and how norms around humour, sexism and politeness shape online interactions.
Future research will explore whether these patterns appear across different platforms and cultural contexts.
The paper was led by Dr Ibi Baxter-Webb, a researcher in Communication Studies at UEA, and is part of a project called Problematic Humour led by Dr Chi‑Hé Elder.
The research, Fragile men and fishy arguments: Attributing and disputing offence in online interaction, is published in the Journal of Language Aggression and Conflict (JLAC). It was funded by the British Academy/Leverhulme Trust as part of the Problematic Humour project.
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