Mum and son publish memoir to destigmatise and humanise the journey of trans people and their families
By: Communications
Leo Telford, a second-year Sociology student at the University of East Anglia (UEA), co-wrote Between: A Memoir on Gender Transition by a Mother and Her Trans Son with his mum Gemma. Published this February, the book delves into a unique dual perspective on identity, acceptance, and the evolving dynamics of family.
To mark World Book Day (6 March) this year, UEA is celebrating Leo’s achievement as a student author and recognising the role literature can play in amplifying the voices of those least heard in society.
Leo hopes their story will provide insight and create understanding with readers:
“We always wanted the book to reach people in similar scenarios – parents or families of trans individuals, trans kids, and queer kids in general. But we also wanted to reach people who don’t feel they’re educated on or understand trans issues, especially if they don’t know anyone personally.
“I really wanted our book to help readers understand not just what it means to be trans, but also the challenges we face and the process of acceptance – both for ourselves and from those around us. Between has a lot of stuff that people can relate to, whether they're trans or not, just because they're a parent or a person who has gone through things in life.”
The idea for the memoir first began when Leo was around 14 years old, at a time when information on transitioning was limited for families: “We felt, even though our story hadn’t been smooth sailing, that it was important to put a story like ours out there, for other people to realise they aren’t alone in the difficult moments.
“It’s important for both trans kids and the parents of trans kids to see each other’s perspectives because it can be so difficult to understand someone else’s struggle. I think we really wanted to help people know that they’re going to get through this, one way or another.”
Gemma Telford, who co-authored the book, reflected on what she would have wanted to know if she was beginning her journey with Leo again, saying:
“I think I would have just wanted to know that we would get through it, honestly! At times I really couldn’t see a way forwards. I couldn’t see a time when it wouldn’t hurt, when conversations wouldn’t be difficult, and when Leo would be himself and happy.”
Gemma notes how the process of creating the book helped the pair: “It really helped us both understand each other better. Obviously at the time, we did speak a lot, and openly about how we were both feeling. But when writing the book, we were coming at our experiences with the benefit of distance, and hindsight, and also just knowing that we’d come through it!
“There were definitely things we both wrote about that were new to us though – for me, there was quite a lot of sadness understanding more from Leo’s point of view about how he was feeling at the time, because back then I was often struggling with my own experiences and feelings. I think it helped us both view what we went through with more understanding and compassion for the other person.”
Leo hopes Between will serve as a source of education, understanding and guidance for those exploring their own identities or supporting loved ones on similar journeys:
“To speak to people that had read it and felt very strongly about it, that they were better off for reading it and knew a lot more because of it – it was overwhelming but also amazing. It validated all the reasons we wanted to write it and what we wanted to get out of it. It's not only helped people feel better informed, but they’ve also enjoyed reading it – that’s the important thing.”
Now Gemma has had the opportunity to reflect on her experience as a parent, she offers this: “I hope for parents who might be going through a similar journey, or even a parallel one of just a difficult time in their relationship with their child, that they can take hope from our story.
“That they realise that despite mistakes and missteps, if love is there, and openness, you can get through anything. And that your kids are more amazing, more forgiving and more wonderful than maybe you even realised.”
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