When I was transitioning, I had lots and lots of people tell me, to my face, that what I was doing was brave. And I would always return a ‘what the ….? You have no clue what your talking about’ look.
I don’t believe what I did was brave. Not even remotely brave.
Take a trained and fully kitted up fire fighter going into a burning building to rescue a stranger. A fire fighter who is fully aware of the dangers of the roof collapsing or a gas explosion killing them. And they still risk their life for someone they don’t know! Now that is brave.
Me, I was just someone in the building fleeing for my life. Nothing brave about that.
If you’ve read my previous articles, you might understand that transitioning for me was my last option for staying alive. I had spent 40 years doing everything I could to convince everyone around me, including myself, that I was male. And when I couldn’t do that any longer, transitioning was literally my life line. My last resort for survival.
I’ve also been called brave for writing these articles. For opening myself up to the world and exposing my under-belly side. And I have to admit, this is a little bit scary with maybe a pinch of braveness.
But I know there are children and young adults out there that are going through what I went through, but don’t have the words to explain it to their parents. I know there are parents reading this that don’t understand what their children are experiencing and can’t foresee the ramifications of their actions. Of their words.
Now I’m not saying every teen who is trans needs to queue up for sex reassignment surgery or start on hormones tomorrow. The solution that solved my problem isn’t the solution for everyone.
What I’m saying is simply this: It doesn’t matter what age someone is, or what is or isn’t between their legs. That’s irrelevant. All that matters is what is going on between one’s ears. And if someone’s brain is telling them their gender isn’t the same as their physical sex, people need to sit up and listen. People, all of us, need to listen to them.
The politicians and famous writers out there don’t have a clue what they are talking about when they imply people change sex for material gain, or predatory behaviour or any other reason under the sun other than trying to fix their body to match their brain.
Transitioning from male to female wasn’t the hardest thing I’ve ever done, but it is a very close second. It’s a tough road, a road best travelled with people loving you and supporting you.
Fleeing a burning building has costs. You won’t come out with everything you had going in.
I mentioned previously that I have seven brothers and sisters. Only one of which I’ve spoken to, a bit, over social media in the last twenty years. And not one of which reached out to me when our mother passed away last month. Not one. A mother who accepted me as trans but couldn’t accept me being a lesbian. I hadn’t spoken with her in years beyond remembering either.
Being trans shouldn’t come at the cost of family. It shouldn’t come at any cost. It should just be normal.
Society tries to define a world filled with rainbows as being black and white, and then tries to exclude anyone and everyone that does not conform to that binary concept.
I’m sorry, but if you think people can ONLY be male or female, you’re on the wrong planet, mate.
If you think men should only love women, and women should only love men, you’re on the wrong planet.
If you think what is or isn’t between your legs defines you, and that you have to have been born with those parts in order to be accepted, you’re on the wrong freaking planet.
This planet, this beautiful planet of ours is full of colour and diversity. That is normal. That is right.
It’s wrong to turn your back on someone just because you don’t understand how their brain works. Just because their brain doesn’t work like yours.
So if your child comes to you and says they are a girl in boys body, or a boy in a girls body, or anything in between any of that. Listen to them. Love them. Support them. And most importantly, believe them.
Don’t rely on the famous or powerful people of this world telling you what the fire is like as they stand at a safe distance watching it burn while casually putting the match out with the ball of their foot. Listen to the person who just fled the building. Who is brushing the ash out of their hair and coughing up the smoke they’ve inhaled.
That is why I’ve written these articles. I know what it’s like to be in the burning building, and I know how wonderful the fresh air of life is once I escaped. My only wish is that every trans person on the planet could experience this fresh air too. The fresh air to be who you are, not who people want you to be.
Please, don’t call me brave. I’m just a trans survivor trying to help other trans people survive in a world that doesn’t understand us.